Thursday, April 12, 2012

My Day Off: Day 13

I'm taking the day off from writing my post today. I really need a break. This blog, work, school, trying to keep up with my mounting to-do list, and putting up with my parents has just become too much for me. I need a break from something, and this is the only thing in my life I have control of anymore.

The pain and the exhaustion just never ends does it? You get little glimpses of what it's like to be healthy again, and that's when it returns with a vengeance. 

I'm sorry to sound so bitter, but I am. This past week has been hell. I'm always tired, always hurting. I'm broke. I literally have 8 cents in my bank account right now. I have work tomorrow, and the thought of standing on my feet for 6.5 hours is making me cry. My mom is always on my back about something. Homework, cleaning, chores around the house, my job, and always discrediting my pain and what I'm going through. I'm not lazy. I'm tired of hearing how I'm lazy. I try so hard to keep up. I just can't. And I'm frustrated enough by it already without my mom hounding me about it.

I miss living on my own. I miss cooking my own food. I miss actually enjoying my job and being able to support myself. I miss my daily walks. I miss seeing my boyfriend all the time and not falling asleep while doing homework. I miss walking up stairs without feeling like I ran a marathon.

Fuck Lupus. I just want a break.

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