Tuesday, May 8, 2012

I'm Full Of Jealousy

Went to Urgent Care today. This time it's because I've injured my hip. Doctor says I've been working too much and I need to cut back. How do I tell my new job this? I don't want them to think it was a mistake hiring me. It was bad enough that I had to go home early because I couldn't stand up any longer. This is my first week there!

I just want to be healthy. Getting fit is 100 times harder when you have Lupus. I just want to train. Like hardcore workouts. So glad the weather is getting nice and hot so I can swim. Swimming is so much easier on the joints.

I also want to be able to work like normal people do. I want to be normal. I want to be healthy and normal.

I don't know why anyone wouldn't want to be healthy. When I see people pigging out on greasy fast food and junk food all the time and they're overweight and they complain about this hurting or them not feeling good, I find it hard for me to comprehend why they wouldn't want to change their ways and actually feel good. I know it's wrong of me, but I get so angry when I see someone with the opportunity to be healthy waste it. Here I am, struggling to get fit and become healthy. And there they are eating fast food every day and then complaining that they need to lose weight or that they feel lousy. I feel like saying "Don't complain to me until you start doing something about it. Here I am doing everything in my power to get better and you do nothing. You haven't earned the right to complain." I feel like such a terrible person just thinking it. I think this health jealousy is just eating me up. It seems like no matter how hard I try to outmaneuver my Lupus, it still manages to get the best of me.

No comments:

Post a Comment