Friday, November 2, 2012

The Weirdest Thing About My Health

I had a lot of trouble writing this post. It wasn't until I woke up this morning that it all fell together for me. All yesterday, I couldn't come up with just one thing that I found strange. Chronic illnesses are just strange in general. The idea of being sick forever is inconceivable. (I can't use inconceivable without thinking of one of the best love stories: The Princess Bride).

The Weirdest Thing About My Health Is Fatigue

Fatigue is the most mind-boggling symptom I have experienced in my measly year and a half with lupus.

Before getting sick, I could never have imagined being so exhausted, that bringing food up to my mouth would be difficult. Or that turning the steering wheel in my car would make me huff and puff like the wolf in the three piggies story.

Fatigue has been the hardest thing for me to work around. It is the only thing I dread giving advice on because I have not found anything that has helped me. The only thing that makes my fatigue tolerable is eating foods high in vitamin B12 and exercising. Even though exercising is definitely difficult when you can't even eat.

Fatigue also has to be the most debilitating of all my symptoms because it occurs so often. I could get proper sleep, be eating healthy foods, exercising, meditating, and anything else they say to do to relieve or prevent fatigue, and I still would get it. And it takes forever to go away.

Except I'm pretty sure it never goes away. It just becomes so small it's almost unnoticeable.

The Worst Part About Fatigue

Fatigue is one of those symptoms that is almost impossible to work past. I can work through pain. I can swim my through the jello called cognitive dysfunction. But I cannot push through fatigue. I tiptoe around it, but trying to wrestle it like a bear only makes it worse. It's affected every aspect of my life.
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