I had the hardest time making a conversation with someone the other day. I felt so bad because most of what was coming out of my mouth was nonsense and half-sentences and then I'd forget and just... ugh! I had to keep apologizing for being such a boring person. And it was frustrating. One second I would have a whole and complete thought and the next it would be gone. Or I would be towards the end of a story, but I'd forget either the story or the point I was trying to make.
I miss being smart. I'm still smart, but I miss being able to make witty remarks or talk about politics or analyze artwork and theorize about how certain groups of people in history affected other parts of the world. I was trying to describe this painting by a German Expressionist at the LACMA museum and for the life of me I could not remember the word... Oh damn it. I had it and I lost it. Basically I was trying to say that L:SALKDFHJ:SOKDLFJ:LSK@!!!!!!! I swear, this is the most frustrating thing in the world. What was I trying to say!!??? German expressionism, sharp lines, HARSH! that was the word. God that took forever.
When I have trouble remembering something at work, like I'm about to go re-stock something and I forget what I'm doing, I will stand there and go through a routine that sounds something like this:
"I was doing something. Something to do with something. I was walking in the back for something. It has to do with soda. Something to do with soda. Aha! Ice. I was going to stock up the ice bins!"
Losing my cognitive function is one of the hardest things to cope with. I can handle pain like a champ. I've mastered the art of hospital visits. But being betrayed by my own mind is the worst.